**This is my non-fiction draft that I may turn into a historical fiction sometime....this is my first memory and one of my favorites because I'm such an animal person. I guess I'd like some suggestions on how to better develop this story's purpose (and any other suggestions!!). This is just a rough draft sort of my write from the power point, so its short.....thank you!!
It was a horrific sound at two years old, hearing my Mom sobbing in the kitchen. My Dad had just returned from the Pet and Seed store where he went to get tomato plants and I didn't know what was going on. I remember wandering in to see what was wrong and what I saw in front of me was about to change my life! Mom was sitting at the kitchen table with a big brown box at her feet. I ran quickly up to her, and as soon as I looked in the box, my concern was replaced with joy - it was a puppy!!!!! Brown with white legs that had little chocolate freckles, Lucy (as she would eventually be named), was one of the most exciting sights my young eyes had ever seen! While my mind could only comprehend the joy of the time, I've come to learn it wasn't such a fairytale for everyone involved. While my Mom would grow to love the sweet English Springer Spaniel with golden eyes and floppy ears, it wasn't the instant winning of the heart that my Dad, sister, and I experienced. However, after my Dad and Lucy's first couple of nights sleeping in his truck, Mom's heart began to thaw, they were allowed in the real house, rather than the 'dog house.'
What a great story! It sounds like something my mom would do to my dad though. I wondered why your mom was so upset about getting a puppy. One suggestion would be to slow down the beginning and give a few more details to set up the scene. I think this would build suspense for the reader to wonder why your mom was screaming in the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteI agree that just more details of why your mother was so upset would make the story a little clearer, and perhaps building on what happened to make your mom change your mind about the dog. It can really highlight the evolution of character as you see how your mom's feeling changed over a period of time.
ReplyDeleteIt is always exciting for me to welcome a "new family member," so I can relate to your experience of getting a new puppy. But I am a little confused about why your mom was sobbing in the beginning. As Allison and Rae suggest, adding more details or explaining more on that part will show the changes of your mom's feeling toward Lucy. Also, in the middle, you could also describe or explain why your dad, your sister, and you are excited for having Lucy, but your mom is not. I like the ending of this paragraph when you mention your dad and Lucy can sleep in the real house instead of the dog house. I think this echoes your story title and makes me want to read more about the story!
ReplyDeleteI loved the end ! I laughed out loud! I think as far as purpose goes, I would look into how this dog may have changed people in the family. Did this dog become special to someone more than others? Did it bring the family together or tear it apart? Did having the dog teach you as a young child something? I'm not sure what happens after this part of the story but just some ideas of where to go.
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